Competition is defined as, “the activity or condition of striving to gain or win something by defeating or establishing superiority over others”. Similarly, competitiveness is defined as a, “strong desire to be more successful than others”. Establishing superiority over others. More successful than others. By these definitions, competition and competitiveness involve a comparison, a judgement, some kind of analysis or scrutiny of ourselves against other people. We’re often led to believe that comparing and competing drives achievement. It’s actually an incredibly self-destructive habit worsened by highly demanding, highly pressured working environments. And, contrary to popular belief, it’s one of the biggest barriers to achieving your best in law. But putting your blinders on and running your own race is the key to true triumph.
The warm-up: Analysing the competition
Synonyms for the word ‘competition’ include the following: struggle, conflict, battle, combat, dogfight, strife, confrontation, forcefulness, combativeness, and aggression. However, sustainable and enjoyable working relationships are built upon integrity, trust, effective communication, camaraderie, and mutual support. So, competition as we know it is the antithesis of harmonious, collegial relationships.
Sprints on the corporate ladder
Largely, we are a society of abundance. Yet, we have an insatiable desire for more, more, more. Law firm culture thrives on competition and competitiveness, pitting everyone against each other. Who is bringing in the most work? Who is working on the most complex matters? Briefing the most senior of Counsel? Billing the most? Working the longest hours? Earning the most? Climbing the ladder fastest? Being nominated for the most awards?
Under the right conditions, it’s possible for competition in the workplace to increase motivation, improve performance, and foster personal development. Alter the variables, though, and competition too-easily creates an internal narrative that depletes our self-esteem and self-worth, and drives fear and judgement. It can cultivate an environment of more pressure, more stress, more anxiety. And lots of resentment.
We know that the legal profession is hierarchical. There’s the progression from Lawyer, to Associate, to Senior Associate, to Special Counsel, to Partner. From a mid-tier, to a top-tier. From Junior Counsel to Senior Counsel. We’ve been taught, and arguably even encouraged, to define our worth by our title. While a change in title typically comes with more money, greater status or prestige, and is one (yes, one) way to measure your growth and achievements in the profession, it’s still, at the end of the day, just a title. Social media posts on LinkedIn where people announce their promotions is a way for us to celebrate our peers. Sadly, it’s also a potential avenue for unhealthy comparison – a road that perhaps leads us to feel inferior, unworthy, or anxious about not doing or being ‘enough’. Whatever ‘enough’ is.
Finding your own stride
Our true value is found in simply being ourselves. Competing with, comparing ourselves to, others strips us of our authenticity, and it’s a destructive use of time and energy. It can be useful to identify things in others that you admire and want to learn from. For example, you might aspire to match a colleague’s drafting style, their ability to build rapport with clients, or their robust negotiation skills. But finding your own stride is far more constructive.
We need to retire the ‘better and worse’ narrative. If we want to learn from, grow from, and be motivated and inspired by others, we have to stop analysing, critiquing, and judging ourselves against their accomplishments and attributes. Once we’ve cleared the field, it’s just us and the track. Stay in your own lane. Run your own race. You might be pleasantly surprised by how clearly to see your progress and achievements now.
When competition is practiced this way, freudenfreude is possible. It’s the German word to describe feeling genuine joy for another person’s success. Studies have shown how integral freudenfreude is to our mental health and maintaining strong interpersonal relationships. Honestly ask yourself how often you feel genuine, pure joy for another person’s success. Particularly when it’s something you want and value. In highly competitive fields, another person’s success is often tinged with something else, like jealousy, that’s inextricably linked to our own sense of self and worth.
Comparison is normal. It’s a part of being human. But it can be harnessed for good. Self-exploration and awareness are key. By understanding your current thought patterns and how useful they are (or aren’t), you can derive something constructive from your comparison narrative. When you find yourself comparing, or competing, ask yourself questions like these:
- What exactly am I feeling right now? Am I feeling insecure, unworthy, jealous, envious, judgemental, fearful or resentful? Name the feelings that come up for you.
- Why am I comparing myself to someone else? Is it productive? Useful? Helpful? Motivating? Inspiring? Or is it making me feel inadequate, inferior, unworthy or all three?
- What has triggered the feelings? Is it because the other person is favoured by a Partner, or the clients, or members of the Bar, is popular amongst others in the firm, or is working on more complex matters?
- Why am I feeling the way I do? Why does it bother me so much? Do I want some or all of those things my colleague has, or the things I think they have?
- What action can I put in to change the way I feel? Can I shift my perspective or mindset to show kindness to myself? That empowers me?
- Who can I talk to about how I feel?
We learn that jealousy is a bad emotion and something for us to feel shame about. We can fix that. The next time you acknowledge you’re feeling that pang of jealousy towards a colleague, tap into why. It’s probably an indication of something you want, or something that’s important to you. Next, fight your instinct to feel discouraged because you’re not living up to that standard and shift your perspective inwards. Focus on the actions you can put in to work towards that goal.
Keeping your own pace
Theodore Roosevelt called comparison the “thief of joy”. And there is much merit in that short phrase. You don’t have to take your eye off the field completely. Just do your best to be more objective in your observations and analyses. Then, use those ‘stats’ to set goals that are meaningful in the context of your life, your career path. Turn your so-called weaknesses into strengths, your threats into opportunities, and work towards your goals at your own confident, steady pace.
Crossing the finish line
The destination is important. So is the journey. Learning to accept ourselves is a process that doesn’t just transpire by just thinking about it. Coming to a place of self-acceptance requires practice. Becoming aware of our triggers doesn’t necessarily make them go away, either. Change and achievement require action. And remember it’s a marathon, not a sprint.
